Last night I thought I’d try out that old-fashioned method of social networking and rather than send my friends Facebook gifts, I invited them over to my house. Crazy I know. I might get a rotary dial telephone next. SES Travel is in Seattle this week, which means people are in town so I actually can make them physical cocktails rather than send them virtual ones. The other day I was saying how much I love the internet because it brings people together. I also love planes for that reason.

So, what should you never do when you have a bunch of computer savvy SEO and search types over? Right. Leave your laptop open. Particularly when you’re logged in to your blogging software. As I was hanging out on the balcony, I happened to glance in and see my dear sweet friends huddled around the flickering light of my computer. Mystery Guest had a look of maniacal glee. Fear gripped my heart. Well, not really fear. She had brought over the best cookies in the world as she is the most fantastic baker who has ever lived so I was lulled into a satisfied state of chocolatey goodness.

When everyone had left, I peered into the laptop with great trepidation. Here’s what I found. Don’t you all think Mystery Guest should start her own blog?

MWAH HA HA … We’ve taken over Vanessa’s computer, and while we could be unearthing all sorts of important information, including her pin number, the Google algorithm, and compromising photos of Matt Cutts, we instead wanted to take a moment and mention how awesome Vanessa is.

1. She doesn’t know how to use her own grill (“Make your own food, bitches.”)
2. She smells like cookies. Cookies and vodka.
3. Her ice machine is broken, but if you ever need ice, she’ll totally make Paul (a.k.a. the Belltown Crapper) go buy them.
4. Her home is so immaculate and well-decorated, you’ll forget all about the time you saw her cat puke all over the place.
5. She can pause any Buffy episode, fill you in on the backstory, and resume the program in 15 seconds.
6. You can cut glass with her abs.
7. She invented Chex Mix.
8. Once, I saw her kill a bear.
9. She can speak fluent Klingon.
10. She once cut off part of Ann Coulter’s ear for cutting in her line at the ladies’ room.

Postscript from me again: My ice machine isn’t actually broken, I just can’t figure out how to turn it on. And I didn’t make Paul buy ice — just walk to his house and bring me back all the ice he owned. So, yes, he’s now iceless, but we had vodka. Clearly we needed ice, right? And the bear had it coming.